Men Matter! What inspired Empath For Men. How to elevate yourself.
So, you know the back story of Empath to Empath. It was developed in lockdown with a view to starting a group to send out positive vibes to all. Empath For Men came out of something very different. EFM was inspired by some of the male friends in my life.
I have always had this crazy connection with males, much to my husbands chagrin. I think it is because I was raised with boys, act like a boy and know more about cars and sport than most guys haha. I was always in their presence as a kid. On the train tracks, with my dad at football, in the pubs waiting some type of sport to come on the tv. I blame my dad for me being such a tom boy, he actually treated me like a lad. I can defend myself put it that way, even being 5ft 4in.
My dad is fab, and I wouldn’t change how he treated me, because I love everything boys do and some of my best friends in the world are men. They talk to me like a lad and I have to stop them sometimes as it is just too much information. I’d like to add I’m all girl though, can just do an oil change, and kick a ball like any lad!
Without going into individual stories (just out of respect) I started to notice some real signs of anxiety and depression this year with a couple of friends. Guys who were once fun-loving and care free, were down in dumps, and this bothered me. I also had tough discussions with a friend who had suffered psychological abuse at the hands of his partner. Being in a friendship with someone going through this is extremely difficult. And to be honest, I had seen it coming a long time ago. It was subtle and he never saw it as he was completely and utterly head over heals in love.
It all came to a head this year, when he ended up being severely depressed and showing major signs of alcohol abuse. This is when friends intervened and told him the truth about the subtle things we had been seeing for years. The story ends well, as he is now away and doing ok, but this inspired me to help other men who maybe feeling certain emotions they feel they can’t talk about.
Empath For Men is a great group in its eighth week. It was developed to help offer support and encourage a safe space for guys to connect with others and talk about tough issues they are not able to talk about with people close to them. I believe it is time that men felt comfortable with expressing their emotions, but believe this will not happen overnight, it takes patience and small steps.
The group so far has been successful in terms of connecting with people and just getting to know them. It’s a beautiful community and I’m attached to many within the group.
The biggest subjects that men struggle to communicate.
We are all human, so why would it be so strange when a man shares his emotions? It is astounding that in 2020, men still feel that they can’t express their emotions and have them received in the correct way. This is a stigma that is so dangerous to mental health problems which are on the rise each year. It should be ok for guys to express, cry and talk about their feelings openly. It is so important that awareness is raised. We should be filtering these messages in schools and to our own children, that it’s ok to cry, it is ok to be sad. The whole ‘man up’ phrase should be left in the last century where it belongs.
Guys tend to hide their experiences as there is a feeling of weakness. You find that they keep these feelings to themselves, often to protect their image and partner. This is pointless and things will never change if you do this, for you are not fixing the problem, you are only applying a plaster. From my experience the guys I have encountered are victims of emotional and psychological abuse and they either see it but have no confidence to deal with it and talk about it, or they don’t see it at all.
This is very frustrating if you are a family member or friend who sees what is happening clearly. Someone who is controlling and isolates you is known as a narcissist. This type of behaviour is unacceptable and it is important that you understand that it is not ok to have to put up with such behaviour. You are not a remote control, you are not here to be controlled. Here is a list of red flags you need to look out for — if you think this is you, take action.
This stems from years of being told to ‘man up’, ‘don’t be a wuss’, ‘crying is for girls’….this is old fashioned, it is last century and not true. Men are humans, it is ridiculous to tell a man not to have a natural reaction such as cry. Due to this conditioning men from many generations believe that it is weak to cry. Guys, it isn’t. Please understand that you are human. EFM is created to help with this conditioning. You need to start with small steps and share step by step with people you trust. This type of thinking needs to be eradicated and stamped out so the next generation doesn’t grow up with the same though process.
Some guys have issues with showing love, even if in their heads they love unconditionally. If you don’t show love how can it be felt by the other party. Again, this is generations of being told ‘not to show emotion’, ‘stop crying’. Before you know it, you have no idea how to show physical ways to express love. Hugs are beneficial and boost endorphins in the brain, a good hug can show someone true emotion. Touches to the face and hands, kisses, all physical ways to show affection. Affection is a clear cut sign that someone cares for you. Those who are not in touch with affection have missed out terribly.
‘I love you’ is a phrase that some guys struggle to say, because for some, they haven’t heard it themselves. Even if you have not heard the three magic words, you now know that it’s ok to express them. Now you know to break the pattern and work on showing love. Again, identify someone to talk to. Someone you trust and can confide in.
Finances can cause immense stress to men, this is due to the desire to be a provider. This can be an added pressure in the current climate. Guys can sometimes not disclose that they are feeling the pinch for fear of losing face or social status or respect from partner. Times are rough, and not talking about things like finances can spiral out of control if you do not address it. Ensure that you discuss money issues with your local citizens advice bureau or similar services if you need support. It is not weak to ask for help, not asking will make the situation so much worse.
Often, confidence is a major issue for men. It could be due to all the above and other factors such as body image. Here are some ways to boost your confidence and get to a happier you.
The benefits of talking to a positive person.
These people give you no reason to distrust them, they are your friends, family who have shown you that you can be completely yourself with them. The support groups out there including E2E and EFM are constantly pushing the message that you are worth it. These positive people are rooting for you, and we all want to see a change with society and its view. These people in your life want to see transparency, emotion and a human, not a robot. It is not your fault if you fall into this category but it is conditioning. The beauty of it is that in 2020, awareness needs to be raised and people are urging others to speak out.
Having good advocates in your life will boost you, free your mind and allow you to look in the mirror and tell yourself, I am ok, I am worthy. You are valuable and required and we want you to be the happiest you can be.
Change the mindset guys, start loving yourselves. Positive vibes bring so much to your life.
I hope this blog has helped someone, if nothing else, just to know that someone sees you. You are in a new era. Let’s break the stigma. When you know better you do better. Go grab a mate and talk!
Find us Facebook — @empathssafespace & Private group — Empath For Men
Love to all readers
Originally published at https://www.empathtoempath.co.uk on December 19, 2020.
