By Jayla Tuck
I came across a video explaining the influence of fear on our daily lives. This had me thinking, how often do we allow fear to dictate our decisions? You see, everyday hundreds of people walk away from opportunities that could have changed their lives because they didn’t think they were good enough, or it was too good to be true. Trust me, I’ve done that plenty of times. And although I have no regrets about how my life turned out, there’s still that occasional ‘what if?’ moment.
An important thing I’ve learned throughout my first few years of being an adult is that fear is based on perspective. Our beliefs structure the way we choose to live our lives. I like to refer to it as a belief system — developed throughout the early stages of our lives. And these beliefs are usually based on our experiences, the beliefs of our parents, and our overall perspective on life. Of course, as we age, the beliefs on how we view ourselves and others change, depending on context or social standards. The point is, the way our beliefs are wired have a major effect towards how we perceive life.
It’s so easy to fall into the traps of self-sabotage without even realizing it. Let’s say you’re in a relationship with a person who treats you amazingly. They’re understanding, they tend to all of your needs, and they’re highly supportive. But for some reason, you have purposely tried to distance yourself away from the relationship, not even certain as to why. You know that you deeply care and love this person, but there’s also this underlying feeling of guilt. I know this feeling all too well.
So what does it mean and what does it have to do with fear? The more self-aware I became, the more I realized my core beliefs regarding relationships were based on fear. I believed that I was unworthy and not deserving of love, that I wasn’t meant to be with this person. This resulted in negative behavior that could have potentially ended the relationship. Self-sabotage can happen in many areas of your life, such as having numerous cheat days while trying to lose weight or, procrastinating about taking action towards your dream job. The list goes on.
It’s easy for us to accept that fear was created to hold us back. That if we’re afraid of something, it’s a clear indication it wasn’t destined to happen. But that’s just a bunch of BS to stop people living their dreams. Life is all about being open and exploring the unknown. If we never encounter uncomfortable situations, how can we be so sure of what we do and do not like? Poor beliefs block a lot of opportunities in our lives and to be honest, this is why life can suck. It’s very important when deciding to make a change to look at your beliefs before attempting to make that change. Because if we aren’t making these decisions for our own well-being, then we might as well not make them at all.
So let’s start today by reflecting on our beliefs. Ask yourself, how is my life functioning with these beliefs? If you feel that your life is great, then congratulations! But if you feel that your life is headed nowhere, it’s time to sit down and think about how to fix these beliefs. Fear is not necessarily a bad thing, considering that it’s encountered very often and unfortunately unavoidable. But instead of using fear as a reason to walk away, use it as a purpose on why you should follow that dream or pursue a relationship. The truth is life isn’t that long and eventually all those minor fears will turn into one major one — regret.
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